Spit it.

im ugly and fat

im ugly and fat

Time is ticking.

Just a couple more days and it ends… again. After a while you think it’d be easier that it’s wouldn’t even matter anymore. Honestly, no matter how many times I go through this, separating is never easy. Sure it gets better but that moment when you realize they’re gone feels like shit. Everything is unpredictable and every time you leave I always wonder if things will be the same the next time you come back or will it actually change. I guess you can say I’m getting cold feet but I know if I back out now I’ll regret it. Plus there’s no way I could back out. I guess I just have to enjoy the time I have. I mean it’s just another time limit.. Nothing new.

To my partner in crime.

I’m not going to lie.. It didn’t really hit me that you were officially leaving until last night. I guess you could say I tried avoiding everything and acting as if everything was going to be the same. But shit shoot me, it’s not. The moment I drove away I seriously tried my hardest to not cry. It was then when I realized everything is different. No more random play time, biking around the neighborhood, or just coming over whenever I feel like it. You’ll no longer be a couple houses away and I’ll miss that. Now that you’re away I seriously don’t know who I’ll run to. You were just a a huge part of me. Seriously my other half and I’m not too sure how I’ll be able to handle it now. For seven years I’ve spent almost every day with you. Yes, we were totally inseparable like ash and pikachu:) I don’t know what more to say. I know this sounds corny and all but not even a million words will be able to describe how much I miss you. (its only been 54 minutes since you left to be exact.. haha) But have fun, be safe and I’ll see your ass soon bitch. I love you :)

I love my cousin Rinna Pera.

She’s just so much cooler than me, I can’t emphasize it enough<3

Circles.

I’m tired, I’m really tired. When is it going to end? Actually I know how to get to my ending. I’m just too scared to initiate my plan and face my fears. 

I’m giving up.

This is stupid. I’m not getting my hopes up for any more schools. Fuck this shit. I’m done. I’m in such disbelief that it’s killing me. I don’t feel like checking anymore emails. Can’t I just quit now? UGH. Please.. no more. It’s already hard knowing that I failed and I’m honestly disappointed in myself for not trying enough. For not putting my best foot forward. I wish I did better. I wish my “no limit” concept was possible because I’m seriously being limited right now. I’m sorry for everyone I’ve disappointed, I’m sorry for not being good enough. I’m sorry for not being able to prove you wrong. To prove that I am worthy of success. I’m sorry, I’m tired.

I’m sorry for being a disappointment. I really tried, I promise.

I should do my homework now…

powlownraychel:

SHIT.

(Source: powlowdotu, via yeahbuddymrbiasca)

I’m almost there.

A little more than a week and a little less than 3 weeks will be filled with unpredictable events that can drastically narrow down my road. These events will undoubtedly leave me crying until my eyes dry and screaming until my lungs burst. It’s extremely frightening but thrilling. So I guess I’ll just have to sit at the edge of my seat with squinted eyes while I wait for the all horror scenes to pass as I eagerly anticipate the ending. I’ll just keep wishing and hoping until the final decision. It’s out of my control but at least I gave it my all. :)